I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
