in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
