guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Everyone says I win the strip club
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