I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
