I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
