he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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