I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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