Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
