I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
