1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
