So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
