yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
