I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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