i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
