arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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