were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
