Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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