I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
false alarm, still single
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
