i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
