I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
