Do you still have your period?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
