just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
