is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
