sorry about calling you the devil all night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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