How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
