if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He did a backflip because drugs
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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