i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
