how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
