I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
