Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
