I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish you could order shots online.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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