the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
