yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
