i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
