u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
