I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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