There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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