She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
