My room smells like vodka and shame
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
