That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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