can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
