it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I am spending my child support on dildos
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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