i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How's work?
Spinning.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
