Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
