I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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