They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
