he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
