I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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