remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
