So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
