I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
