Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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