Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
