Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
