I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i now understand why vodka
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
