Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
