i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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