I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
