is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
