I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
