he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
